DAILY LOL

if you guys have ever heard of mitch hedberg, this is one of his jokes.  his stand up routine is pretty hilarious.  he died from drugs though

some of his other funnies

You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch." But then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together!"

My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah"

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck

When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny

An escalator can never break--it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there

i could keep posting these, they crack me up, so heres more if youre interested.

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg#cite_note-MAT_11-2