DAILY LOL

if you guys have ever heard of mitch hedberg, this is one of his jokes.  his stand up routine is pretty hilarious.  he died from drugs though

some of his other funnies

You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch." But then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together!"

My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah"

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck

When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny

An escalator can never break--it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there

i could keep posting these, they crack me up, so heres more if youre interested.

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg#cite_note-MAT_11-2

transformers tactics

i know i had a post about this yesterday, but I started thinking about this whole thing on the drive into work and it doesnt make sense.

The Autobots /Decepticons, a race of robot warriors, they come with guns and armor and basically their whole life revolves around fighting.
Humans, some people are soldiers, but for the most part their lives are based around other things.

When it comes to battle tactics you would think the robots, who basically all fight for a living, would have some great strategy and some different tactics that are based on their unique abilities.  they do not, they stand in the middle of the street and try to jump and shoot or run in and melee like a couple of 12 year olds playing halo.  even the small quick guys do this, they dont try to flank or anything.
on the other hand, the humans have timed movements and organized military with all kinds of communication equipment.  i'm not saying the humans shouldnt use their standard military tactics. they really need to in order to compete, but dont you think a race of warbots would have developed some kind of strategy where they arent in the middle of a street yelling to each other what to do.  also i'd like to see Optimus come up with some kind of battle plan where they set a trap instead of the normal, drive up, transform, shoot.


i also find it hard to believe that the transformers dont have any kind of weapon that easily kills them.  we have  weapons that can blow up the whole planet and we're not as advanced as they are.  also guns, our guns are designed to kill humans because thats what we got.  if you've got giant robots, you make a gun that kills robots.    it would be like our whole military being armed with sticks.

Just because...

transformers 3

Saw transformers 3 last night, and i thought it was pretty awesome. i wont spoil the plot for anybody, but it had some funny parts as well as some real cool slow motion robot kills. the audience was clapping a few times. Optimus and bumblebee are bad ass as usual, humans are worthless and do a lot of running and hiding, and the bad guys have way better stuff.

i've also figured out what makes you a decepticon. when you are created/born and you can fly, you are decepticon

****Edit Gerry
This is the only reason I'm planning on seeing it.

Nate Marquardt......

Taken from an article I just read.

Nate Marquardt and Chael Sonnen have much more in common than a fight at UFC 109.

Marquardt revealed today that he, too, suffers from a testosterone deficiency for which he took prescribed testosterone and sought a therapeutic exemption to continue his career.

That exemption, as it turns out, proved to be his undoing at UFC on Versus 4. When Marquardt did not deliver on a promise to produce the exemption for the Pennsylvania Athletic Commission, he was not medically cleared to fight.

Marquardt explained the unfortunate circumstances during Tuesday's edition of "The MMA Hour" on MMAFighting.com. He and his representatives had declined comment until the appearance on the program.

Marquardt said he first noticed a change in his health this past August and received clearance from his primary doctor to undergo hormone replacement therapy. He added that the New Jersey State Athletic Control Board, which oversaw his previous bout against Dan Miller at UFC 128, approved his testosterone therapy.

Following Marquardt's removal from this past Sunday's card, PAC Executive Director Greg Sirb told MMAjunkie.com (UFC blog for UFC news, UFC rumors, fighter interviews and event previews/recaps | MMAjunkie.com) that the fighter had been placed on indefinite medical suspension until he met the state's requirements for licensure. While he declined to discuss the details of the suspension, he added that Marquardt had been given six weeks to resolve the issue which caused it.

Roids

inception meme

lolpics

these jokes arent even taht funny, yet somehow when it has the rock on there i think its funnier

MMA Discussion 06-24-2010

I'll make this quick. I'm a little busy today and there isn't that much going on this weekend except for a UFC Live on Versus.

Amanda Lucas -- daughter of Star Wars creator George Lucas -- will make her Japanese mixed martial arts debut at Deep 56 Impact on Aug. 26. Currently she holds a Pro Record of 1-1.

UFC Live 4 Predictions

MAIN CARD
Nate Marquardt vs. Rick Story - Rick Story by UD
Pat Barry vs. Cheick Kongo - Barry by Split Decision (Kongo's going to take him down)
Matt Brown vs. John Howard - John Howard because Matt Brown sucks
Matt Mitrione vs. Christian Morecraft - Matt Mitrione by TKO

PRELIMINARY CARD - Matches they might show
Manny Gamburyan vs. Tyson Griffin - Tyson Griffin by Joe Rogan comments about "Dat Ass"
Nik Lentz vs. Charles Oliveira - Oliveria by Submission

For your troubles

shopped birds

Haha - James Toney vs Ken Shamrock

My prediction - Shamrock with the takedown and submission in the 1st round.
Only problem is this fight doesn't even have a promotion yet or a date.

friday meme

COME AT ME BRO
this meme was started on the show, Jersey Shore. the one guy was having an argument with some other guy on teh boardwalk and he kept saying "come at me bro" so that the other guy would attack him first, that way beating the dudes ass would be self defense.

also saw this yesterday an old throwback from "am i doing this right?" meme

MOVIE MAGIC

saw another one that i thought i should post.  its extra funny because it reminds me of NES when the crowd was just a group of people repeated over and over.

Fox’s MasterChef cooked up a hilarious blunder by doctoring a scene that shows hordes of people trying out for the show.

In the opening sequence of Gordon Ramsay’s latest cooking competition, there’s anAmerican Idol-style shot of an excited crowd waiting to audition. The voiceover claims “thousands upon thousands lined up” to try out for the show’s second season.

Except if you look closely, producers replicated portions of the crowd to make the group appear larger than it really was. Here’s a screen shot and an exclusive response from the producers, below. Notice the circled areas show the same clusters of people used twice (including a very obvious woman in a bright orange hoodie):
 

movie magic

i saw this today and thought it was funny, it gave me an idea for a new column.  movie magic, pics of stuff that magically happens in movies but not in real life.  also, i know bill loves jurassic park so i had to post it.

Ghetto workplace solutions

I'm actually going to attempt to do my own subject and keep it going. I feel as though i might have some of the best material out there since tons of our stuff at work is either outdated or rigged to work properly. I saw this today and thought to myself WTF was the one maintenance guy thinking. If I can get a picture of him it would probably all make sense.







Yeah that's exactly what you think it is doing exactly what you think its doing. To get closer to the floor so it dries it faster, the genious cut the fan in half and duct taped it together. These are the kinds of people I work with on a daily basis and the reason I don't have time for making daily posts!

transformers wtf

I'm sure you all know by know that meganfoxatron is not in the transformers 3.  I heard michael baysplosion and megan fox had a falling out, so they had their reasons for it. My problem is I'm not real happy about the duck face anorexic chick they picked to replace her.

quack quack

what ended up making me even more annoyed is when i looked on imdb trivia and saw a list of people considered for the role.  i'm guessing they didnt choose this new chick because of her acting ability, and the budget for this movie has to be enormous, so why not choose someone hotter?  here is what imdb has

When Megan Fox dropped out shortly before filming began, Gemma Arterton, Ashley Greene, Brooklyn Decker, Miranda Kerr, Bar Refaeli, Amber Heard, Camilla Belle, Katie Cassidy, Heidi Montag and Anna Kendrick were all rumored to replace her before Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was cast.

kidding me? gemma arterton is real hot, plus a pretty good actress.  ashley greene is the only reason i agree to see twilight movies with sarah.  brooklyn decker is/was a victoria secret model, and amber heard is just stupid hot.  i'm sorry if i'm leaving out anyone else on this list that any of you guys like, but i'm just trying to make a point that i cant figure out the logic with t-formers 3.  check out the pics below and comment who you would rather see in the movie.  you can't pick megan fox though because we would obviously all rather see her than this new chick.  also i have an idea, why dont you get rid of the witwickity parents and have 2 hot chicks in the movie.

gemma arterton

ashley greene

amber heard

brooklyn decker

i'll just leave these pics here, boom, baysplosion in my pants

MMA Discussion 06-17-2011 - Strikeforce

Before I get started I would like to let you all know that I swing from Overeem's nutts.
If he loses it'll be like that time I saw Akiyama get triangle by Chris Leben. It broke my heart.



Overeem vs Werdum - Overeem by TKO.
Not all of you know the Overeem that I know. I've been watching this guy since he was 205 pounds of pure awesomeness. Yes he did get Knocked Out by Chuck Liddell in 03, and TKO'ed by Rua in 05 and 07 but it's been forever since that happened. Then after his loss to Sergei Kharitonov in 07 he had a dramatic change. He decided not to cut weight anymore and fight @ HW....and it's the best thing that has ever happened to him. He then became Ubereem.
Sure you might say that he took steroids but I think it's all the horse meat he's been eating. I mean look @ the time line. All natural baby.
Werdum on the other hand has the title of "Submitting Fedor." He's been ko'ed silly by JDS and lost a decision to Arlovski because he was afraid of his punching power. If you look @ his last fight, Fedor almost finished him but ended up getting triangled. The guys not good @ taking punches.

Why Overeem wins this - Striking, Power, Clinch / Plum, Takedown Defense, Horsemeat
Take a look @ this gif.You're not going to beat that type of Striking up close. His Muay Thai + Power wins this for him. When you get hit with an Uber-knee it's the beginning of the end for you. Werdum will be an idiot to keep this standing with the K-1 Grand Prix champion.

Why Werdum wins this - BJJ
He did submit Fedor, and he has 1 win over Overeem already (from 06.) Things have changed though. Watch Werdum try to get Overeem in his guard, and maybe even jump guard once or twice in the fight.

Why Overeem loses - Cardio, BJJ.
He doesn't have bad cardio but I can't see a guy that size going 3-5 rounds with anyone. Overeem goes in for the kill everytime and even though his BJJ has improved, it's not on the same level as Werdum.

Why Werdum loses - Can't take a punch.
Re-watch Werdum vs JDS, or Arlovski, or Fedor. He gets rocked a ton. I don't see this ending well.

I see this being a crazy fight with the announcers swinging from Werdums nuts and reminding the fans that he "did submit Fedor." But I don't swing from Werdums nuts. It's either going to be a strait right hand or Uber-Knees to the face to end Werdum's night.


Rest of the card
Josh Barnett vs. Brett Rogers - Barnett by Submission
I'm surprised he passed the pre-fight drug test

K.J. Noons vs. Jorge Masvidal - Noons by decision
Noons will fight anyone. I respect that.

Daniel Cormier vs. Jeff Monson - Monson by Decision
Cromier is shaped like Big Chris. Monson is a veteran.

Valentijn Overeem vs. Chad Griggs - Chad Griggs by Comeback Tko
Chad Griggs gets beat up for 2.5 rounds then comes back to TKO you. He even beat Bobby Lashley.

Gesias “JZ” Cavalcante vs. Justin Wilcox - JZ by submission
JZ has a pretty cool tattoo on his arm. He wins by that.

Stanley Cup Riots in Vancouver

So everyone heard about the riots and I'm hoping that this kid is the next Meme.

I ended up shooping his face and posting them online.

But then people started getting really creative.

and then someone posted this.